Safety and Freedom

Tuesday night we had a Relief Society board appreciation dinner. We had soup and bread bowls for dinner and afterwards there was a bag full of the bread-bowl innards that was being offered to the first taker. I took it and on Wednesday I loaded the kids and a bag full of bread up in the car and we went to feed the ducks. Andrew and Natalie were so excited. And I'm sure James would have been too if he realized it was his first time feeding the ducks! On the way over to the park, Natalie bit a hole through the bag of bread she had insisted on carrying and when I turned around to look at her during the drive, she was wrestling some bread out of the newly-created hole with her mouth. We got to the park and the kids took off running. It was once again an absolutely beautiful day. Just enough crispness in the air to justify long sleeves, but not enough to warrant a coat. I love those days, where you can feel the sun warming your arms through your clothes and at the same time feel the coolness on your face. Perfect.

We got to the ducks and the kids were a little nervous. In fact, maybe I was a little nervous too--there were A LOT of ducks! So they hung back a little while I started to throw bread to the ducks, but they didn't hang back for long. Soon they were throwing big chunks of bread into the water (the idea of breaking off small pieces of bread was lost on them).
And I was throwing right along with them. There is something great about throwing bread to ducks. It feels good to throw something in the water and I really don't get tired of watching the ducks all race for the same piece of bread and fight over it. And I have such great memories of feeding the ducks when I was little.We soon ran out of bread (it goes fast when you throw big chunks) and headed for a playground. The park we went to is a big park. There are hills, waterfalls, ponds/lakes, and large grass areas. The kids were loving the freedom of all the space and loving the idea of exploring it all. I was not loving the idea of them exploring it all because I was concerned about the safety of my little kids. I was worried that if I couldn't see them, somebody could snatch them up in a minute. I started thinking about safety and freedom.

When I was growing up, I and the rest of the kids in my neighborhood lived outside. We would meet in the street on our bikes, big wheels or whatever else we had and would play games, ride around for hours, explore abandoned schools, cross over creeks, and anything else that caught our fancy. My parents had no idea where I went because we just rode and rode and rode. We knew when it was about time to head for home and my dad would come out and whistle his trademark whistle to let us know we had to come in for dinner.

So I see those hills and expansive grass and I want my kids to be able to run and run and run and explore. And it makes me think that I want my kids to learn independence and resourcefulness. I don't want them to grow up thinking they can't do anything without me or to feel scared to go out on their own. I want them to know the wonderful feeling of the wind whipping in your face as you ride your bike as fast as you can to no real destination, of turning back to talk to your friends and feeling the bike wobble and weave, of watching the pavement zoom by under your tires, of inhaling the different scents of flowers, trees in the warm spring air as you pass them by.
Where is the balance between safety and freedom? It is true that the world is different than when I grew up. It is not as safe. But I still want and need my kids to experience the freedom of doing something without mom hovering nearby--before the responsibilities and pressures of age take away that completely carefree feeling. How do I instill independence when I'm scared to let them play in the front yard (of course, they are still pretty young!)? Am I being too fearful? Hopefully as they get a little older I won't feel quite so worried when I can't see them. For now, though, I don't want them out of my sight!

(Natalie picked out her own shoes that day!)