You are brave

I took the kids to the zoo today...alone.

As I entered the zoo, carrying a baby in the bjorn, pushing a double stroller, and following two kids running around (they of course had insisted on getting out of the stroller as soon as we got into the zoo), a woman sitting in the shade, sipping a cold drink looked up at me and said, "You are brave." I replied, "Or crazy."

But I started thinking about her comment. Am I brave? In some ways I did feel brave today. I faced a fear. I haven't really tackled zoo-like outings by myself with my three little ones since James came along.

I used to take Andrew to the zoo all the time. And after Natalie, we went at least once or twice a month. But since having number three, I have become something of a homebody. I didn't think that would ever happen, but when I would think about getting everybody out the door and then having to deal with everything where we were going, home sounded like a great place to be. The exception has been going with somebody else. I guess I felt more comfortable with reinforcements...even if they had their own kids. At least I could chase after a stray and know the others were being watched by somebody friendly. Plus, I found after number 3 that I also felt like I needed the company!!

But I also found that I missed going with just me and the kids. When we go somewhere fun with others, I'm always more interested in my conversation than with playing with my kids. So today I decided to face my apprehensions and just go for it--me and the three kids at the zoo.

And it was wonderful. Our first stop was the bathroom. A bathroom made just for us--one of those family bathrooms with a little toilet, a big toilet, a changing table, a little sink and a big sink. We used it all. We were in there for a long time, but I don't think the lady waiting outside even minded when she saw us all emerge. I think she was thinking, "Thank goodness they had that bathroom for that lady."

We walked around looking at the animals, stopping to play when the urge hit, and my kids had my undivided attention. And really, it wasn't hard at all.

I looked up "brave" in the dictionary and it said "courageous." Nice. So I looked up "courageous" and read, "implies consciously rising to a specific test by drawing on a reserve of inner strength."

In so many ways that really does describe being a mother. I have never felt like I was reaching for inner strength more. And I guess one of my fears has been whether I have a reserve of inner strength. But I continue to discover that I can do more than I think I can do. Not ever perfectly and sometimes not even well, but I can do it. And that has been one of the greatest blessings of being a mother and one that I have seen magnified with each child...that I am pushed to what I think are my limits and realize that I can go even farther than I thought. So when the next hard day comes along, I remember the last time I didn't think I could do it, but did, and then it's not quite as hard.

He's home!!

John walked in the door late Sunday night from a 9 day business trip to Holland and I couldn't be happier! And from the group gathered on our bed this morning, I'm not the only happy person around here.

Natalie could not stop smiling and told John she loved and missed him about 4 times. Andrew was snuggled up to me, but was all smiles for John. And even James couldn't keep his eyes off his dad and was ready with a huge smile any time John glanced his direction.

The week actually didn't go too badly and except for some pretty rushed bedtime routines by the end of the week, I held it together pretty well until Sunday morning ;-) Thank goodness for a lovely lady at church sitting in front of us who after hearing Natalie and Andrew arguing back and forth within the first few minutes just reached back over the bench and plucked Natalie up and onto her lap where she stayed for almost the entire Sacrament meeting. All the craziness from the morning and probably from the entire week came pouring down my face in the form of tears. Note to self: remember to help frazzled mom alone with young kids at church. Most importantly, don't ask, just do.

Absence is always good for appreciation and I am definitely appreciating John. I am so glad he's home!

One step behind

This is an oh, so familiar kind of post these days.

Last Thursday I could not keep up with the chaos. We were at Natalie and Andrew's swimming lessons and I swear every time I turned my head to take care of one thing, something else was going on behind my back.

It started before I could even see the pool. Andrew and Natalie ran ahead and around the corner to the backyard while I followed behind with the stroller, baby, towels, you name it. I rounded the corner and went to sit down when I heard a Natalie scream-cry that usually means a panic situation. I turn my head to the right and look over at the bathroom in the corner of the yard. I can just see Natalie's little bottom in the air, her little legs kneeling on the ground. Her head is stuck under the wood-slat gate that serves as the bathroom door and is locked--pretty sure Andrew had locked the door and slid out under the gate, giving Natalie the idea . I jump up, run over and manage to persuade her to flatten her head and bottom and we slide her back out.

After comforting her, I got Andrew's swimming suit on him and then I turned to my crying baby who was ready to be fed. While I was feeding him, Natalie returned to the bathroom (the door was now unlocked) and stripped down to a shirt saying she needed to use the potty. Luckily a very nice person who had her 2-year-old in the bathroom to use the potty helped her up on to the toilet, and then helped her down. AND brought the shed clothes over to me. I had Natalie put a swim diaper on, so she was running around in her shirt and swim diaper while I finished feeding James.

When I finished, I noticed that Natalie had returned to the bathroom AGAIN. I walked over there, and there she was, standing next to the toilet holding a wet swim diaper. Her swim diaper. And she was naked again.

I ran to the car to get another swim diaper and when I got back Natalie was in the pool, playing on the step, naked with a shirt on.

We finally got her swimming suit and new swim diaper on and it was her turn for a lesson. She likes to play on the deeper step during her lesson and has taken to jumping up, then under the water, then up, then under...As she does that, she doesn't always stay in one place. I went over and showed her where to stay if she wanted to jump because she was moving closer and closer to the edge of the step. I had to talk to her again about it, and again, and again...Andrew came over with a ball he wanted to play with, so I had played with him for about a minute and suddenly one of the other moms was saying something like "Ooooh, Ooooh, Ooooh!!!" I knew it was Natalie. She was under for a little bit before the teacher got to her and she was hysterical, but she was fine. While I was comforting her, Andrew got reprimanded for splashing one of the 2-year olds in the face.

And then I started laughing. Because it really felt unreal. I had been one step, or I guess one turn of the head behind, all lesson long.

Now it makes sense

I always wondered what the baskets were for in grocery stores. I mean, why carry a basket around that gets heavier with each item you add, when you can push a cart?

But today it made sense. THIS is what those baskets are for!

Rite of Passage

It was inevitable. If not this year, the next.

John did it, I did it, and now it's Andrew's turn. His turn to don his mini shin guards (so stinkin' cute!) and cleats. His turn to follow the pack of kids around and occasionally catch sight of the ball.
I had great expectations. I mean, I've heard of John's amazing athletic feats on the soccer field. And I wasn't so bad myself. If you don't count the first year I played and held hands with my best friend any time we were in together.

I pictured Andrew outrunning the rest of the pack, scoring a goal or two, with his adoring fans cheering on the sideline.

The first practice went pretty well and by the end of it, Andrew wasn't using his hands any more. The coach threatened push ups for anyone caught touching the ball with his hands. I don't know if Andrew had a clue what push ups are, but he stopped using his hands. Andrew was enjoying running and kicking the ball into the goal even more than I thought he would.

Toward the end of practice, the coach called all 5 team members together and explained that their uniforms were green and that they needed to come up with a team name. He asked, "What is green?" Nobody was answering, so he said, "Andrew?" Andrew piped up, "Grass!" Sure enough, grass is green, but for some reason the coach liked Leapfrogs and The Green Giants better.

Then they had a vote. Andrew voted for Leapfrogs, another kid voted for the Green Giants and two kids voted for their recommendations, respectively. That left Jake, the tie-braker. The coach asked Jake what he thought. Shoulder shrug. After a little pressure to pick one, he went with the Green Giants, so that's what we cheer for at the games.

Based on the practices, I figured the first game would be one of glory for my boy. But, it wasn't quite what I pictured. First, I got the game time wrong. Instead of 10:45, I thought the game started at 10:00 (ALL the remaining games start at 10). Not great to have all three little ones to a soccer game 45 minutes early. I think Andrew was done before the game started. Second, only three kids play on each side, so two sit out. Andrew did not like being told to sit down when the game was starting. Third, Andrew expected that everyone else should stop and move out of his way so he could get a turn at kicking the ball. He spent the game crying, screaming, throwing a fit because it just wasn't going his way.

But he loved the treat at the end of the game. And the "parent tunnel" he got to run through.

As we were walking to the car he remarked, "I don't want those blue boys to come next time." The other team had been wearing blue.

Last Saturday was his third game. And what an improvement. No crying or screaming or fit-throwing. Hooray! Granted, he really doesn't get the game yet. He seems to think he's running in the back of a line. He lets everybody and the ball run past before he falls into line. And then he seemed to be walking a lot.

Unfortunately on Saturday, my behavior needed improvement. Nothing major. I just felt like I needed to "instruct" my four-year-old-first-time-soccer-player from the sideline because he wasn't Pele by his third game. "Run fast!" "Get the ball, Andrew!" "Go get it with your feet!" were some of the "instructions" I called out to him.

As I look back, I might as well have been calling out to him "You're too slow!" "You aren't doing what you are supposed to!" But no more. He is four. And soccer is for fun. And I want Andrew to think that it doesn't get any better than him. If we want to practice at home, for fun, fine. But all he is going to hear from me at the game is "Great job!" and "You are awesome!!"

Here is Andrew warming up at his first game. He has to get the ball just right. Look at how great he knows he is!! And the second clip is from last Saturday. If you keep watching you can see him wait for everyone to run by before he follows.

Natalie somehow connived a chair just her size from somebody from the other team. She also managed to keep a steady stream of orange wedges coming from a random person. This girl has skills.

That time of year again

I cannot believe it is that time of year again. Time for swimming lessons. Given the fact that the temperature gets to the 100s by May around here, April is prime time. It is much more pleasant to sit there watching your child swim when it is in the high 80s, low 90s.


Andrew, our little fish, is back in the swing of things. He has been swimming unassisted since he was two. And I guess it's a good thing he caught on quickly because a few months after he turned two we were showing some friends our new, newly filled pool. Andrew was out there with us, reached over into the pool for something he had dropped or threw, and fell right in, fully clothed. By the time I had run around to where he had fallen in, he had already swam to the side and was hanging on to the side looking around. Not even really fazed.

I was actually surprised that Andrew took so quickly to swimming. He has been so cautious about everything...except swimming. By the end of the summer when he was two, he was jumping off the diving board and swimming to the side by himself. I was amazed every time I saw him do it.

Andrew spends every swimming lesson submerged. He pops up to take a breath every once in a while, and comes up when it's his turn, but otherwise he is under water...doing somersaults, kicking down to the bottom, or just looking around.


Natalie started some lessons last year and they definitely helped her get comfortable in the water. This year, though, she is ready! It was a little scary to get her face in the first day, but she was determined to do it because Andrew does, and now it's no problem. In fact, she comes up out of the water with a HUGE grin every time. Too cute.

Conversations with children #2

I was cutting up a cantaloupe for lunch the other day and Andrew said to me,

"Can you cut the canteemope because you have strong hands? I wike your hands, mom."

Family Time

John is the 6th of 8 children. Seven of the eight, and his parents, live within about 10 miles of each other. That is 2 parents, 7 children, 6 spouses, and 22 grandkids....37 people...and 7 wards and 6 stakes within 10 miles. What a blessing to live so close.

The ages of the cousins range from 19 to 6 months (James). And boy do we have some amazing cousins. I love watching the older cousins play with my little ones, help them on the trampoline, be so excited to hold the newest baby, laugh when they do something funny or cute. My kids love going to Grandma and Grandpa Garner's house on Sunday evenings. When we pull up in our car, Andrew looks for other cars and asks "Are the friends here?" Cousins are automatically friends around here!

March was a fun month for family. Grandma and Grandpa Garner host an annual easter egg hunt the Saturday before Easter. This year it was a week early because of spring break. I thought Andrew was going to burst while he was waiting for the go signal to run outside. And Natalie just daintily walked around, picking up eggs. And then would not stop eating "canny."

Then, we get together on the 5th Mondays for a joint family home evening. We moved that up a week in March because of conflict (it is a miracle that we can all get together ever, given everybody's busy schedules!), so we met on the 24th. It was at our house this month. We had a lesson about President Monson and then a "Polar Bear"swim. The idea was to see who could swim in the freezing water, but it had been pretty warm the week before, so the water wasn't so freezing. In fact, most of the kids swam in the big, cold pool the whole time.

And of course, what else would you have but ice cream to go along with that cold water!

1st tooth!

For at least the last 2 months, James has been chewing on anything he can get hold of...mostly his fingers. And he drools like anything. So, of course I expected that any day I would be seeing the first tooth pop through. I regularly checked his gums for the first signs of a new tooth. Always the same...nothing.

The last few weeks James has been whining and crying more often and will not go to sleep without a good cry first. I continued to check his gums...nothing.

Yesterday (Sunday) I was on the airplane and the lady sitting next to me asked, does he have any teeth yet? "No," I started to reply and at the same time was looking into his mouth. And there it was, his first tooth, bottom left. Just barely poking through his gums.

What a fun milestone!

Doesn't miss a thing

Natalie has always been extremely observant. She is the one that seems to be occupied with something else while listening in on every conversation I am having. She remembers names, what you are wearing and is good with faces.

Last week Natalie walked into her grandparents' house. She saw Grandma and asked, "Gwama, you got your haircut?" Sure enough. Grandma, in all astonishment, said, "Yes, Natalie, I did!"

And then last night John and the kids picked me up from the airport. When I got Natalie out of her car seat, my purse that I had purchased on my trip was on my shoulder. Natalie said, "Mom, you got a new purse?" Me: "I did get a new purse!" Natalie: "It's bwown?" Me: "Yes." Natalie: "Oh."

Luckily, John didn't notice that I got a new purse, but amazingly enough he noticed that I had earrings on (which just proves that I haven't worn earrings in a very long time).

Angela

Happy Birthday to my one-and-only sister, Angela!! She is turning 19 today. I was 15 when she was born. No wonder people gave me the teen-pregnancy look when I took her out with me. And I did take her with me sometimes to the store or with my friends. She was such a fun little girl. We would all just sit around and watch her perform at FHE.

And that hasn't changed much. What an amazing person she is. So, here is her top ten:

1. She is always up for anything. Just her senior year alone she had a lead role in the musical, was homecoming queen and was secretary on the seminary presidency.


2. She is nice. She avoids saying anything mean or bad about anybody and always gives people the benefit of the doubt. She accepts everybody and has a talent for seeing good things in everyone.


3. She has an AMAZING voice. It is just beautiful. And she has worked hard on it, which I also really admire.


4. She is a lot of fun. If there is something fun going on, she is in.


5. She is so cute with my kids. Not to mention a pretty good sport about having to hang out with all the marrieds and grandkids.


6. She is smart--she got into BYU...with a scholarship...enough said.


7. She is a good balance of easy-going and determined.

8. She is a great friend. And a great friend to many types of people.

9. She is not self-conscious. I love that. She feels totally comfortable with who she is and so can put herself out there. When I was at BYU, my family moved to Utah. It was good for many reasons, but one of the best reasons was that I got to see Angela and get to know the sister that was only 2 when I left home. My roommates and I held a Miss America party for a few years and Angela came every year. And look at that performance!


10. She actually loves being short. I've spent my life wishing I was at least 5'7". She takes full advantage of all of the great things about being small.

Happy Birthday Angela! What a great sister you are. I love you!!