Only a few weeks until a new baby. And amidst the sleepless nights, shortness of breath, can't bend over, pain shooting up the back of my leg, heartburn, probably the most difficult thing over the past few weeks has been the roller coaster of emotions. I may have just blocked that out, but I don't really remember feeling quite this way with the other ones. I'm sure I just blocked it out. But suddenly life has seemed so hard, lonely and so not fair. Basically I have been feeling very sorry for myself in many areas. Yuck.
Luckily, I have been regaining some real perspective and as I am, I am feeling so grateful for so many people who have been such a huge help and support lately. So here is a shout out to my sisters-in-law and mother-in-law who insisted on coming over and moving a bed, a crib, and cleaning anything they could get their hands on, who came over and mopped floors, etc. to help me feel like I was not so overwhelmed, to my mom who has listened to me crying to her on the phone without judgment and just chalked it up to lack of sleep and being pregnant (thank you!!), for a friend who brought dinner over out of the blue, for a sister-in-law who calls when she has a minute to see what she can do to help, for friends who have invited my kids over to play, for my mother-in-law who has offered to watch my kids during my now weekly doctor visits, for a friend who has called just to say hi, and for a friend who came over and shared a wonderful afternoon swimming, talking and just hanging out. It was so fun. And just what I needed. And a thank you to anyone I have missed.
I definitely prefer the gratitude to the self pity. It feels SO much better.
And now too, I am getting so excited to welcome this new little baby. To see what she looks like, get to know her unique little personality. I am always amazed at how much I can love each child without loving any of the others any less.
5 comments:
When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I worried about loving her less than the one I had. It was a genuine fear and of course, when I held her moments after birth, all the fear went away. Thanks for verbalizing it again.
I was a wreck my whole 3rd pregnancy--much more so than with my others.
I remember that feeling being pregnant with my third. The feeling of feeling completely overwhelmed, depressed and exhausted. I even have to go on prozac for awhile because my doctor was so worried about me and what my postpartum was going to be like. I must say that it was the best thing I did in my pregnancy. I was finally calm and could enjoy my other kids without wanting to cry every second of the day. Another thing that helped was going in and watching my kids when they were sleeping. There is nothing sweeter than sleeping children.
Good luck. It's almost over. I thought motherhood was supposed to be fun. They tricked us! I wish I lived closer so I could help you out.
Emotions are a curse and a blessing. It reminds me of Eve in the Garden of Eden and how ultimately she chose knowledge over ignorance. I wonder if she really knew what she was getting herself into :)Somehow we women need extremes in our lives. How else could we feel so much joy?! And thank goodness for people to help lift us up when we are on the other end of the spectrum.
Hang in there. A new baby will make everything alright. And of course your kids are welcome here any time...as long as you promise to let me spend one or two more perfect afternoons with you before the baby comes!
We love you Erika! The count down is on! :)
I am happy to hear you have thoughtful friends and family around helping out. What a blessing.
Put me on your list of people to call when you need to chat or vent. I would love to exchange political banter with someone who doesn't want to run when they see I want to talk politics (as I think my friends are starting to do!:)
Good luck with your delivery. I can't wait to hear the details once your newest little one arrives.
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