Free First Friday

A new children's museum opened up in Phoenix last year.  We have never been, so imagine my excitement when I discovered that every first Friday night of the month you can get in free...that's right...FREE...from 6-9pm.  

So on Friday we picked John up from work and parked our car at the 38th street light rail station.  Andrew has been dying to ride the "train" and it seemed a fun way to get downtown.  

Andrew watching the light rail approaching

I love this look on Natalie's face

And it was.  

But then we rounded the corner and saw the line to get into the museum.  1 1/2 to 2 hour wait we were told.  We just kept on walking and took the kids over to the fountains at the Arizona Center.  They loved it.

We did let James out for just a little bit.  But he sure enjoyed the stroller ride ;-)

And as they got their feet and hands wet, climbed walls, and marveled at the water, I was reminded that some of the best activities don't require money or some crazy fun plan.  We had the best time.  The kids played in the water, ran around, the weather was perfect, and best of all, we were together.  

John's face cracks me up in this picture.  Especially because when I called him with this idea he said, "That sounds like a lot of work."  And I said, "Well, anything we do with three little kids is a lot of work.  It might as well be this."  And surprising to both of us, it really wasn't very hard at all.  

And I, who sometimes struggle with "changes of plan", had no problem with this one.  Because the plan really was just to get out and do something together.  And we did.

Andrew told us as we were riding the light rail back to the parking lot, "I want to come back and ride this train next Saturday and I want to ride it forever and ever."   I honestly think riding the train was about as good as it gets from his 5-year-old perspective.

Even if it was a little loud...

Gracias, Dora

At the doctor's office the other day, our name was called.  I quickly tried to round up the kids and all our stuff to follow the nurse back.  But my kids weren't moving.  In fact, Andrew was glued to Tarzan that was playing on the TV, crayon mid-air.

"C'mon guys, let's go!" I called.  Once, twice.  

"Let's go..." in my sing-song voice.

And then Natalie pipes up in her little voice "Vamanos!  Let's go!" as she runs towards the door.

The fact is, Natalie's DVD of choice for the last week or so has been Dora.  But I had no idea she was learning anything.  

But even better was the fact that the spanish-speaking family we had been waiting with looked up, looked at me, and started laughing.  The dad was still chuckling, muttering "vamanos" when I finally ushered us all to the door.

Late night lipstick

Tonight I thought I heard the sound of little footsteps running around upstairs after I had put the kids to bed.  So I went up to check.  I found my bedroom and bathroom lights on, but nobody around.  But I had my suspicions.  So I opened the door to Natalie's room and this is what I saw:

Then I saw this, which also made me laugh.  She had dressed her dog Frenchy up earlier in socks and a sweater and had highjacked some of my jewelry (an earlier footsteps incident) and had stashed it in her purse.  I recovered the "valuables", but let her keep a few items that I didn't mind losing eventually.  I guess she decided the bedpost was the perfect place to store all these treasures.

And so we never forget, I have to include a picture of what Natalie's bed looks like most nights when she falls asleep.  After numerous "sneaks" to the game room book stash, and a few climbs in the closet to get all the blankets down, she has a bed full of what she likes to refer to as "stuffs."

Looks nice and comfy, doesn't it?  Yes, she is asleep amidst all those "stuffs."

Feeling guilty about feeling guilty

As I turn the corner to my last month of pregnancy, things are not looking that great.  Not that they aren't great.  I'm just suddenly having a hard time seeing the great.  And the biggest culprit...guilt.

I feel guilty that I'm tired (after not being able to sleep most of the night).  

I feel guilty that my kids watched a movie instead of having some amazing learning experience with me all afternoon.

I feel guilty that I didn't cook dinner every night last week.

I feel guilty that I'm not on a regular exercise schedule.  That I'm not running a 10K 9 months pregnant.

I feel guilty that my bathrooms aren't as clean as they should be and that I have laundry that still needs to be folded.

I feel guilty that I'm not as patient with my kids lately.

I feel guilty that I'm not out extending myself to others more.

I feel guilty that I actually might need help myself.

And then the clincher...I feel guilty that I feel guilty.

Do you want some guilt with that meal?  Can you even believe it?! 

Logically I know that I am going to have a baby in a few weeks, I have three other young kids that require all of my time and energies during the day, and my husband has a job that requires full days and occasional travel and is going to school which requires every other weekend and some nights.

But why should that matter, right?  I should have unlimited positive energy.  I should wake up like a shot every morning excited and ready for the day.  Children's demands, messes, fighting and whining should bounce off me as I sing and laugh my way through the day.  

I mean, isn't that what everyone else does?  They at least have their laundry folded, right?

And the best part is that the more guilt I feel, the less I feel like I can do, and the more guilt I feel.   Crazy.

So tonight I pledge to get rid of the guilt.  I will laugh at my laundry.  I will pretend I'm a monster and roar at the kids if I find myself getting angry.  I will ask for help.  I will offer my help when I can.  I will be grateful that Little Ceasars is such a great deal.  I will let my kids watch a movie and not think twice about it.  

But most importantly, at the end of the day I won't look at all the things I didn't do.  I will look at everything I did do.  Even if it was just getting us dressed and fed.  

Guilt takes too much energy.  And being a little low on that resource right now (I will not feel guilty about not having a lot of energy!), I've got to get rid of the guilt.

Notes to self...

Natalie is not an easy child right now.  She was.  

In fact, about 19 months ago when I was about to have James, my mother-in-law commented that who wouldn't have more kids when you had a Natalie...she was so fun and easy.  

And then suddenly she wasn't.  

She cries about everything...all day long.

  

She is mischievous.  If you can't see or hear her, it means trouble spelled m-e-s-s.  Marker on the walls, water all over the floor, foamy soap all over the bathroom, nail polish all over her doll house and James' face... 

She does not listen.  At all.  She just chooses to do her own thing and pretends not to hear you.  Or she has a million reasons why she needs to be doing whatever she is doing even after you have asked her not to...several times.  

She runs away.  After running down the street or through the mall at full speed in all my pregnancy glory time after time, I finally figured out that the best thing to do is just call out "We'll see you later." and she comes running...and crying.  

When John and I were buying a car last fall, Suzann, my mother-in-law, came over to watch the kids.  We were driving to the dealership when my phone rang.  It was Suzann.  "Natalie has locked herself in the bathroom and I can't open the door."  Me: "She knows how to unlock the door.  Tell her to unlock the door and come out."  Which of course Suzann did, but Natalie ignored.  I picture her inside the bathroom with a devilish grin on her face as grandma knocks and tries to get her to come out.  Well, Suzann went for help.  She took the boys and went to the neighbor's house to see if they could help her open the bathroom door (it uses those little metal "sticks" to open and is rather tricky. It took me a while to figure it out.).  As she was coming back with reinforcements, Natalie comes running out of the garage, crying.  She did not want to be left behind and as soon as she realized everybody was gone, she opened the bathroom door and came out.  

This girl pushes all the buttons.  

I am convinced it is a stage that she will grow out of (please! be a stage!).  But in the meantime, it is good to catch glimpses of our darling, sweet girl and what I can do as a mom to encourage the sweetness without making her feel like she isn't doing it quite right.  Because sometimes I feel like I'm telling her NOT to do things an awful lot.

A few weeks ago John took Andrew AND James (superdad) camping, leaving Natalie and I to a girls night out.  We went to dinner, rode the carousel at the mall, and met some friends for a movie.  The whole night she held my hand, told me she loved me about every 3 minutes, never ran off. She was darling.  It was so fun.  Note to self...Natalie needs some more one-on-one time.

The other day she was crying (again...for no reason) and wanting me to hold her.  I said, "Natalie, do you want to help me make pizzas for dinner?"  She immediately stopped crying, said she needed to put on the napkin (the apron) Grandma Larraine had sent her, and was so helpful and cute the entire time we were getting the pizza and breadsticks made.  Note to self...Natalie likes to feel needed and helpful.

And tonight.  She had gotten out of bed several times (her usual routine at night, even though she is exhausted because she will not nap during the day).  I took her back up to her room and tucked her in.  She looked at me, "Mom, can you lay in my bed with me?"  Some nights I just want everyone in bed because it is the ONLY moment of the day where I can be alone with my thoughts.  But tonight I laid down by her and she turned on her side and put her arm around my pregnant belly and waist and tucked her little head up against me.  And every once in a while she would pat me with her little hand.  

And I lay there loving my little terror.  And loving my sweet daughter.  Note to self...Natalie needs lots of love...and she gives lots of love.

I'm Hungary

We had the big world map down a few times before we left for Japan so we could show the kids where we would be going.  I showed them Japan, Arizona, Utah, California, Venezuela, and then I showed them Hungary and explained that dad had served a mission there.

We got the map out the next day and Natalie was looking very carefully at the places we had discussed the day before.  She looked at me and said, "Mommy, Daddy went to Lunch...right hehr."

And then a few days later we had the map out again when John was there.  Natalie, looking at the map, said to John, "Daddy, you went to Dinner."

I guess Hungary can mean Lunch or Dinner to a three year old.

Graduation

Andrew graduated from preschool last week.  And yes, it was a big deal around here.  He has asked why he hasn't started kindergarten yet.  He is so excited to go!  

Above-Andrew singing as loud as he can.  And yes I am due in about a month...and yes you can tell in my face.

He has grown up so much in the last two years and so this graduation really was a little milestone in his little life.  In fact, his teacher gave me a big hug and said "He is so ready for kindergarten."  I knew that what she didn't say, but meant, was, "Boy he has come a long way."  He has had some rough spots and has had to learn how to be a little more flexible than he is naturally inclined to be.  But he has really come a long way.  I am so proud of our little graduate!!  

Natalie was toting Frenchy (the dog) and a giant teapot that day.

Andrew was so excited that Grandma and Dad came to the graduation.  In fact, later that day he said to me a few times, "I was so happy that Daddy came to my graduation!" And when John got home that night, Andrew ran up to him, gave him a big hug and a kiss and said, "Daddy! Thanks for coming to my graduation!"

Saying Good-bye for now

John's dad just passed away after battling cancer. And I miss him.

I have cried many times this week and the tears start again as I think about my father-in-law.
And how grateful I am to be a part of his family.

I don't know of many people who crammed more into life than he did.

He was a person who took everything that came his way and celebrated it.

This was in October. He did not feel well, but still came dressed up in funny ears and nose.

Nothing crossed his path without becoming better. When we built our pool, we had used pavers as our decking and as the border around the pool. It looked nice, but the edges were rather rough, so people would often get a scratch or two getting in or out of the pool. So Kent showed up at our house with his grinder and ground down the edges (top AND bottom) of each and every paver around our pool and our spa. And it is not a small pool. And it was very hot outside. But the end result was wonderful.

He was constantly seeking ways to help others and to be better.

He was enthusiastic about everything. We ended up with tickets to the World Series when the D-Backs were in it. John immediately knew he wanted to ask his dad to come to the game because he knew how excited he would be about it. And he was.

He was hard-working. Boy, was he hard-working. I honestly believe that there was not much difference between work and play to him. He derived just as much enjoyment and satisfaction from working hard and accomplishing a task as he did from playing.

When we were putting some dirt in our backyard, Kent and Suzann showed up one afternoon with gloves and a wheelbarrow to help. Andrew grabbed his wheelbarrow and kept pace with Grandpa. I am so glad I have these pictures of my kids "working" with Grandpa.

He was diligent. And I don't know if he gave less than 100% to anything he did...ever.

He loved the gospel and the scriptures and took every chance to share that. And he had a great talent for teaching. He made the scriptures come alive. One of my favorite memories is when we went to visit him and Suzanne in Indiana when they were serving a mission. We stopped to eat somewhere and the waitress was wearing a Star of David necklace. He was always very friendly to everyone, and he started talking with her and explaining that they were missionaries. And somewhere in there he noticed her necklace. As she walked away from the table he called out, "You're Judah, we're Joseph!" I'm sure she didn't have any idea what he was talking about, but I just loved his enthusiasm. He was never afraid to share something that he felt was important.

He could fix anything.

He loved making his yard beautiful.

He was always so excited about each new grandchild.

With Andrew

He was genuinely interested in others. And his family remembers that he would invite people to their home all the time when they were growing up. Many times people he had never met before, but who needed a place to go or somewhere to eat.

The first time I met him was at my parents' home. I was graduating from law school and John's brother Dave was in my class at school. I was not dating John at the time. We had invited some people and families over for food and a graduation "party". I still remember how Kent went out of his way to introduce himself. He was so openly grateful about the invitation, complimenting the party and the food and asking me genuine questions about myself.

These pictures below are from my and John's wedding. I love how they have captured Kent visiting and interacting with others.

With my grandpa Rowberry

He never hesitated to tell you how proud he was of what you were doing. And you never wondered if he cared. He was always interested.

I'm so grateful that I have memories with Kent. That we lived close by.That John is like his dad in so many ways

This is the first time I have felt a death so strongly. All of my grandparents have passed away, but I never lived by any of them and although I loved them, there was not really a hole left when they died. Now I feel a hole. He was a big part of my life for the last 7 1/2 years. Even though he has been pretty sick for over a year and so has not been as involved as before, I still miss him being here. And I'm sure I will miss him again and again. When this new baby is born this summer. When we bless her. When John graduates with his MBA.

I was talking to my sister-in-law and she was saying that this is what the opposition principle is all about. We would not feel the pain if we had not felt the joy. The fact that he was such a wonderful father, grandfather, husband, teacher, person, and father-in-law means that we will feel some pain now that we are missing him.

It is sad to say good-bye. But how grateful I am that it is not good-bye for ever. I am sure we will be reunited with him again. How sweet the gospel message of families and eternity is right now.